With this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace. And then, alone in the night, I still called out for You, so ashamed of my life, my life, my life.
But You loved me anyway.
These are some of the lyrics from Sidewalk Prophets You Love Me Anyway. I’ll be honest; these words have me rattled today. In these words, I am whisked back to the life I used to lead. A life of determined sin, sin that had the power to take so much from others.
I knew better.
I knew Jesus.
I had met Him in my 20’s with a ferocity and a gentleness all at the same time that changed my life. Until I walked away from Him in my 30’s. I turned away, with a smile on my face, with this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace. I even said “Hold my coat. I’ll be back someday and we’ll make this right. I know You’ll forgive me when I ask, and I’ll be ready for that someday.”
It’s like the husband who tells his wife, “I’m going to sleep around now, but don’t worry, I still love you; it’s you I’m coming home to.”
Would you settle for that? Why would Jesus?
But He does. And the shame that I would even ask that of Him is overwhelming at this moment.
It’s a good shame, though. It’s the awe of eyes opening to the grace that surrounds me, always and again, the grace that waits patiently. The grace that heals me, makes me whole again, even when I am the cause of my own breaking. It is the grace that I draw strength from to never break in the same way again. Ever. It is the blanket that warms me, the breeze that cools me, and everything in between.
I hope you find it someday.
"You will know the Truth. And the Truth will set you free. (John 8:31)"
"You will know the Truth. And the Truth will set you free. (John 8:31)"
Wow! You really smacked me in the face with some hard core conviction this morning! I cant even say how many times Ive told Jesus to "hold my coat, Ill be back". As hard as it is to admit this, Im kind of there right now. This time though when I handed over my coat, I hesitated. Something I havent ever done before. As I began to walk away, I kept looking back & feeling His grace trying to stop me in my tracks. When Ive done this before I would have no problem looking ahead & convincing myself that I can do this on my own. This time Im not so confident, actually scared that Im walking away from my safety from the world that lies ahead. Ive been trying to figure out whats different this time, why is it so hard to walk away? Its because Ive been reading His word, praying & bringing Him into my life & this time Hes not letting me go so easy, Hes helping me recall scripture, Hes reminding me of how good life has been with Him in it. I think this is finally the last time I will walk away because for the first time I dont want to. Ive seen & felt how God works in my life, Ive felt His grace & unconditional love; it makes my soul sing! For the first time I cant find any reason good enough to walk away!
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